Sorry I haven’t been on lately, just going through some self-reflection. As I left off on my last entry I am working on accepting my situation at home and multitude of feelings that come with it.
So here is a bit more of my story,
I want to emphasis that this may make others uncomfortable, but its the reality of the situation but it is up to me on how I work through this, I do encourage others to do what is best for you with what ever circumstance comes your way.
From my childhood till my early 20’s, I felt the need to keep what my father did to me as a secret. I suppose I thought that if I kept quite I would help my family. I did not want to lose my parents and tear my family apart because of the “mistake” that my father had done.
Notice I said “I didn’t want to lose my family or tear my family apart…” it is not till now that I realize I am not responsible for what was already broken. I was taking responsibility of my fathers mistakes at such a young age. This can definitely cause a child to bear a large burden, one that was not my own. At the age of 22 I accepted the facts of what had occurred and took the reigns for my life to say something. I no longer felt the need to “protect” his dark secret of his relationship with me and “obey” everything that was asked of my father, I was a complete puppet to this man. I would exceed academically in order to make him proud but it was never enough.
I swore as a child that I would take this to either his grave or mine, in order to live this false family unit that I convinced myself that I had, all this until I was 22 & I could no longer bear such a burden.
Till next time